"Lower Than Low"

Feeling all alone

How did I get in this hole

Cursed by painful memories that happened when I was 10 years old

Warmth from my brother as a lover

I can't shake that feeling; so cold

That used against me mainly to get a rise

Balling out my eyes

Cuts on my wrist

A relationship built on honesty and trust

Covered in infidelity and lies 

A love child that isn't mine

But I keep going back to you for some reason

At some point something happened in my mind

That trained me to believe that this is what was okay

That this is what I deserve

I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like

Because the one my parents had

Ended in their separation; forever hurt.

The times he would beat me

I thought it was a lesson he was trying to teach me

Calling me the crazy one

I felt like he was just trying to make his point

Trying to reach me

Now no one can reach me in this pit that I'm in

5 feet down and I'm holding a shovel

Dreams with you burned to ashes

A future with you shattered like those dreams

A love that I had with you felt like passion

But I confused that with my actual screams

Is this a hallucination I'm having

The voice I hear in my head is so familiar

But there's no way it could be

My voice of reasoning because he's no longer alive to see

What has happened to me all of a sudden

Started with so much, now I feel like I'm nothing

Wanting to take what life I have left

And use it to drink, smoke, and cut

Myself until that moment

When I take one last breath...