Feeling all alone
How did I get in this hole
Cursed by painful memories that happened when I was 10 years old
Warmth from my brother as a lover
I can't shake that feeling; so cold
That used against me mainly to get a rise
Balling out my eyes
Cuts on my wrist
A relationship built on honesty and trust
Covered in infidelity and lies
A love child that isn't mine
But I keep going back to you for some reason
At some point something happened in my mind
That trained me to believe that this is what was okay
That this is what I deserve
I don't know what a healthy relationship looks like
Because the one my parents had
Ended in their separation; forever hurt.
The times he would beat me
I thought it was a lesson he was trying to teach me
Calling me the crazy one
I felt like he was just trying to make his point
Trying to reach me
Now no one can reach me in this pit that I'm in
5 feet down and I'm holding a shovel
Dreams with you burned to ashes
A future with you shattered like those dreams
A love that I had with you felt like passion
But I confused that with my actual screams
Is this a hallucination I'm having
The voice I hear in my head is so familiar
But there's no way it could be
My voice of reasoning because he's no longer alive to see
What has happened to me all of a sudden
Started with so much, now I feel like I'm nothing
Wanting to take what life I have left
And use it to drink, smoke, and cut
Myself until that moment
When I take one last breath...
