Almost Too Late

The pain in your eyes is evident
The tears on your cheek are the evidence of an apparent crime
Yet time after time you answer that alarm
Fooled by a forced apology and charm
Completely neglecting the bruises on your arm
And the bruising of your pride, a pill you've swallowed before
In fear of what it'll be like if he somehow gets through that door
But your reach for more and more enable that activity
I listen to the excuses that you're giving me
Repetitive as they lack creativity and a convincing argument
I understand that the man was the one who started it but he's not ready to finish
Until your spirit is fully diminished
Empty of energy and fight
I don't know what it's like, but I do know that this isn't right
A story on repeat every other night
Soon it won't be you crying
It'll be us after he takes your life.

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"A Year 2 Forget"

Dear "The year that's now passing away"
Will soon be a memory "back in 2009" we'll now say
I want you know, that you put me in a hole
And the hole only got deeper as I continued to try to grow
I felt like the home team taking loss after loss on the road
Constant beatdown from the outside
Affecting how I felt on the inside
But I can't hide because I'm not the team playing at home
Face my fears head on, now allow me to go...
It was tragic waking up around 5
Listening to "that tone" in my Moms' voice
The same tone when she told me my Grandmother had died
There was only one choice
She told me my father no longer had life
I went back to sleep thinking it wasnt real
I woke back up and it felt unreal how I was filling so ill
As i thought there on my bed and allowed the tears to spill
2009 how could you take him from me like that?
Just when we were getting our father-son relationship back
So I was put on a plane on my way back to the last place I wanted to be at
But I learned that there was a reason you sent me back
Sleep once again when I awake to one of my friends
In my room asking where his suit is
Then he told me his father had just died, 2009 how can you do this?
Ruthless
Nothing but aggression as I'm stressin over one question
No answer
Fuck sickness, fuck addiction, fuck cancer
2009 was the problem and 2009 had no answers
Moving on
Dealing with my loss, trying to keep my grades right
My bestfriend tells me 2009 took his grandpops life
And even though his was an older man
So many people are dying, and I just don't understand
But I continue to deal with these L's as best I can
The summer comes
And it was the break I so desperately needed
Had two jobs, so six days a week I'm working, summer is grind season
But I learned so much from this season I will take with me for the rest of my life
Like appreciating life even if you're not quite like
Everyone else, your personality allows you to be someone special
Tryin to do it right while the sun is bright
And who would have guessed the temp
Seattle got me bent thinking that I can survive, let alone work
When I can cook an egg on it's Earth, 103 degrees are you being forreal?
I might slap the first person who tells me "to chill"
Nigga I'm trying like everybody else is
But at night trying to go to sleep, no AC feeling helpless
Hotel rooms sold out, just keep your windows open
So many cars smokin
And as the honeymoon has run its course and it's time for me to leave
Money continues to be an issue for me
I'm told that if I don't pay then there is no place for me to stay
Barry what are you trying to tell me?
That as a returning Senior there's no place you can put me?
Scratching, clawing, and pleading for a place to stay
Living out my bag, going from bed to couch to bed again
Thank God for my closest friends
Because Barry was bending me backwards, then I gave you your money
Now I have a place to stay, bastards, spoiled honey
So after the hardest semester I've been through in my life
And I come home to winter weather just right
And look back at the year that was 2009
I wanna say fuck you year
Because you're gone, but you will always be in the back of my mind.

"Repo-Man"

I remember it like it was yesterday, which is the hardest part. Replaying over and over in my head waking up at 5am to my mom opening my door and saying "your father is gone, he passed away this morning" then going right back to sleep. 365 days ago today and I am still going through it. You don't forget, you just learn how to live with it...but it isnt easy.

Repo-Man took away my father

Now only a hole of pain is left.

Your cell number still sits in my phone

I want to call it but I'm scared of who will answer on the other end

There's no number for Heaven so I talk to the sky

I shed tears in the shower in the hopes they wash away, at least I try

But these tears are never gonna go away.

At the current moment I even question the point of this artistic expression

When all it will do is subdue the feelings that will resurface in a few days

So what's the point of it?

Bittersweet graduation because a seat's missing in the audience

If I gave a speech, "FUCK YOU GOD" would somehow be a part of it

Imagine how that would go over at a church full of Catholics

But it's no use

You can't squeeze life out of someone who's run out of juice.

Fighting my urges to let go and run loose, and say "so what"

But that won't bring you back, matterfact

That'll make things even worse for ones on this Earth.

You see I've never been given anything just like that

I've always been the one to prove myself and have to fight back

I've been the one who worked his ass off to get nice things

Just so that someone could break into my house and take it all back

That's exactly why I act like I came from the streets

Because at the times I would my ass off to at least do some good

A blind eye is turned to my vision, a deaf ear to my speech.

So why even bother tryin to do all that?

When I've been the one who lost his father to jail, divorce, and addiction

And the very instance I start to get him back

God decides it's time to bring/take him back.

How do you yell at a man you can't see?

I don't know how to punch a man who's not there

And the more that I yell, the less productive I become

So i quietly try to do my best to represent my father as his son

I try to stay quiet, silence all the thoughts of all the violence

I want to inflict because I'm tired of this shit

How can you give me a degree but the most important person in the audience isnt there to see me?!!

It just doesnt make sense

Then people often wonder why I get into these moods, and I end up so tense

It's because since the age of 13 my back has been up against the fence

I don't want to be a statistic, I want to be a story of success

But it's hard when you make progress and there's not much to show for it

Or you can't show it to the one person who's been waiting their whole life for it.