beginning to N...

She's claiming that she's ready
So many lies
Her heart won't hold steady
So she tries other guys
But that amounts to nothing
Give it the college try
Wishing that this will turn to something
Or blossom into what it's meant to
We'll see what happens after we end up doing nothing
What do you want me to give you?
A relationship hard to put in words
Feelings hard to describe
A passion pouring out
Unspoken bond
Sexuality we really can't hide
But outsiders notice it
We don't speak on it
But we know exactly what this is
Going all the way in
I'm giving you my all
I'm betting all my poker chips
Soft words of lust rolling off your lips
Slow winding from your hips
Holding on strong
But if I start to lose my grip
And my hands start to slip
Imma put you on
I'll put you in a bear hug
Feeling this rare love
How do I say it
If we're playing a game
How do I play it
I wanna express myself
But how do I say it?
I guess I gotta think it over
And get my thoughts together
Keep my composure
Emotions in check is best
And as much as I wanna be like "whatever"
This feeling is real
This beat similar to my heart's rhythm
I don't know I should feel
Can you tell me what is next
Probably not
It's just a guess
Man this shit is ill...

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Dinner alone...

Even though you're gone
I still need to say
Why I did what I did
And why I acted that way
Feelings get lost
When you start to say
That we aren't working and that we should part ways
At a lost for words
My heart's turning cold
Trying to be strong
I'm trying to hold on
I just wish I could have said
This instead of this song
Now I'm talking to myself
Because you have moved on...

What am I missing
Between me and you?
What am I missing
Who do I turn to?
Now I'm eating alone
When it used to be for two
All of my nightmares
Are now coming true...

No one here now, I don't know what to do
My heart is so heavy
I don't think I can move
I know I told you lies
Instead of the truth
I guess I just feared
What it is that you'd do
Or the words that you'd say
The mean things you say you'd do
Wanted to call your bluff
Until the night you had to prove
That you were not bluffing
The things that you do
Now involve him
Because I'm no longer with you...

Incredible Women

Did I let a good one go? No

I let a great one fly

All I did was teach her direction

And pointed upwards to the sky

Told her that right there is her limit

And as soon as she gets that high

To go a little higher

She could get there if she tried.

Did I leave a good one hurt? No

I taught a great one pain

And expressed my emotions

And told her we're not the same

Told her that there's someone for her

Who won't treat her the same

But will treat her the way she deserves

The only difference, is he won't have my name.

Did I leave a good one lost? No

I let a great one find her way

Explained to her I can't hold her hand

And that today will be like so many days

That you may not understand

And though I can't stay

I am confident in knowing you'll be able to find your way.

Did I leave a good one with no answer? No
I let a great one think it out
Because though we would never fight
There was so much for us to talk about
Body language spoken loudly
But words coming few and far between
I knew she'd be okay
I just focused on getting her to believe.

Did I lie to a good one? No

I kept it real with one that's great

Told her that as much as I'm interested in her

I'm not the one she should date

Between the gap of age and experience

There's a reason we should wait

So don't let your love for me be distorted

By all of your spiteful hate.

Did I leave a good one confused? No
I helped a great one use her smarts
That underneath that ditsy personality
Is someone with a great heart
Great at getting "A's"
But with the streets not so smart
But she believes in her abilities
And that right there is a start.

Do I often run into good women? Yes

But I build relationships with the ones that are great

It's a combination of personality

Timing and morals

That allow me to state

That there was love there at some point

There just isn't that now

But all of you women are incredible

I just apologize for telling you now...

Then She Cheats

How could you sleep

Around with him

Anyone else

Not a mutual friend

Not really sad

More like I'm pissed

I was a room over, I could hear the shit

I feel a little dumb

This shit is unreal

The only words in my mind I'm thinking, "just kill"

The pain runs deep in my veins still, it gives chill

It's getting hard to swallow this one pill

Imagine how'd I feel?

Don't know if you can

You can't understand

What it was like for me

To hear you fuckin' another man

Honestly I'm handling this shit the best way that I can

But I'm starting to lose my mind

I don't know who I am

And every time I try

To look for me I find

A person who is hurting

A part of me has died

When I sit in silence it's broken when I start to cry

The only question I have for you is, "Why?"

crumbled cookies

A blind man reaches for what his eyes can't see
The deaf man feels for what his ears can't hear
The tall man reaches where the short man can't
and a living man spews a dead man's rant.
The man with no legs climbs up limb after limb
As the man with no arms runs after him
The man with no brain makes foolish remarks
Yet remains sympathetic for the man with no heart.
He feels no pain yet knows of no love
As pale as a ghost as his body lacks blood
Dieing for belonging, something with meaning
He knows something's missing, though he lacks feeling.
He wishs he were blind, short with no arms
No legs for him to use and his hearing all gone
Short with no brain, for all of those he'd be willing
To at least have a heart
So he could feel this terrible feeling.

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K33p Going

Called gorgeous is forcing my mind
To believe these lies from the opposite sex
Tug of war where I'm the flag in the middle of the rope
Not realizing that I'm the one who's giving my sister hope
That love isn't a joke; it can happen
But I contradict my words with my actions
I'm acting like I'm not falling now
Falling out after watching the tears from my sister's eyes falling down
Round after round she fights
Trying to find a combination just right that'll unlock her heart
And I'm supposed to show her how it starts
But I've managed to damage the bridge that put my dick and heart a part
Because lust isn't love
Loving someone for who they are is the greatest form lust
We all lack trust
Because no one wants to be hurt
But it's when you believe that it can't get any worse that you dive in
Lost now so you gotta try again
Don't let lost lust be the reason you don't try for love again...

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My Style of Storytellin (1)

Never been one to go to the best one/ more or less end up with the next one/ bored so I need to get with a fresh one/ but this last girlfriend was an exception/ lost in love so I lost my perception/ no direction unless led by an erection/ out here vulnerable with no protection/ lies and deception so they played detective/ mainly because at some point they felt neglected/ maybe not loved but respected/ check it..


I can honestly say/ that out of the four past relationships I've been in/ lust at some point has pulled me away/ but the love for the one that I was with/ made me remember my reasons to stay with the chick/ regardless if in my mind I felt she was a bitch/ telling myself over and over again/ "how bad could it get?"/ then I stopped playing pretend/ left the girlfriend for the one on the side/ and every bit of me except for the 6 inches of me felt that it wasn't right/ closing my eyes visualizing myself drowning in a pool full of lies/ time to realize...


It all started off with this girl Whitney who went to Skyline/ half Black and Puerto Rican so you know her body was right/ lived in Issaquah so her parent's paper was right/ a little ditzy so there was a little flicker to her light, not so bright/ but what I can say was that the fighting was light/ everything about us seemed to be cool and tight/ but I had no L's and no whip/ so she would have to drive to the Southend via I-90, a long trip/ I remember the time, me and my bestfriend went to Skyline to visit her and her friends at lunch/ kids in the halls thinking we're looking for some kid to punch/ but I'm getting sidetracked with the story I'm trying to tell/ and even though on the surface everything seemed so swell/ the water started drying up at the bottom of the well/ I met this girl at my school who played soccer and was a hooper as well/ a young freshman named Madeline from Queen Anne/ heard she was feeling me, at the time something I could understand/ so we hung out a couple times/ talk when we can/ that's when I found myself being treated like her man/ all of a sudden something short seemed to stretch over a longer time span/ that's when I got a phone call that had me like/ damn...


So I'm with Madeline when I get a call from Kellen/ talking about I need to listen to the shit Jesse Armstead is tellin/ now Jesse is bestfriends with my girlfriend/ then she says she has a boyfriend, that isn't me/ man, I don't understand this is whirlwind/ of lies, emotions, and confusion/ says that Whitney had him over to meet the family but I can't really be mad because look what it is I'm doin/ because my girl doesn't know that Madeline is something I'm pursuing/ I guess this relationship with me and Whitney is ruined/ transition/ so now that I have no girlfriend I kind of mention/ to Madeline that she could be the piece that's missin/ that's when things start getting kinda serious/ and at the time she was a virgin so I'm curious/ if she'll let me be the one but I'm fearing this/ is too soon between break ups/ no time for me to analyze the relationship before I take up/ a brand new woman/ what the hell am I doin...


Attracted by those beautiful blue eyes/ toned ass and thighs/ in my eyes I looked at Madeline as a prize/ but at the time it wasn't that cool that another white girl took another black guy/ but all my homeboys understood/ she felt comfortable coming to my crib, staying late in the hood/ gain creditbility so everything was all good/ I wasn't her first she tells me but it's still all good/ because honestly it doesn't matter that much/ warmed by the softness of her touch/ feeling like everything is good and I can't get enough, that's when things got rough/ insecurities is something that my last relationship didn't have/ I have a lot of homegirls and that would make Madeline mad/ then I would flirt without knowing it/ having to convince her she was the only girl that was keeping me glad, was driving mad/ accusations left and right, up and down/ rumors being made from people that don't even know me so what can I do?/ someones' little sister says I made out with her sister, how in the hell is that true?/ just tell me what I gotta do to convince you somehow/ that I'm not the person you keep hearing about?


Being accused of crimes started weighing on me/ I got sick and tired of people hatin on me/ like I'm cold as ice and people are skating on/ the happiness that I had with Madeline people are taking from me, now this is taking on/ a brand new shape, I need a brand new escape/ pissed off one night real late/ one of my sisters' friends is over and apparently she thinks I'm great/ well I can't say the same because honestly I considered her very plain/ but this would happen all the time until my sister would say/ "If you're coming to see him don't lie to me saying you wanna come over and stay"/ that would lead to a particular day/ up at my high school when this pretty young thing came my way/ I mistook her for a girl who's name started with an A/ then I found out her last name was actually Dang/ something about this girl intrigued greatly/ wondering so much about her, mainly why is it that she's acting like she hates me/ but she's giving me the time of day/ she knows who I am so I had to ask her name/ she said it was Stacey...


TO BE CONTINUED...

Crumbles To Ground

Now single for the moment

And it seems like I seem right and all these ladies know it

Yet I somehow lack that one main component

So fuck 'em

I'll face them no need to duck em when you can replace what's lost

But this loss has my left foot falling off

The edge witht he right one ready to follow

Head strong but right now it feels like my heart is hallow

Is there one that I can borrow until tomorrow because things will change then

No need for a girlfriend in the middle of this whirlwind

But how can I pretend

To be a love interest when I act like I just wanna be ya friend

I break no rules but a few of them I will definitely bend

Like the times I open my mouth and the truth is down so deep within it

That it spills out, before you know it I'm finished

And the opportunity has diminished

And I apologize if I'm being honest when I tell you you're best quality is your eyes

And you ask "well what about my mind?"

Then I reply "well I mean you do have lovely eyes, and I don't wanna lie"

Hung up

Ran up on a overly done up young buck

And wasted my time?

Nah because at times her and I had the time of my life

But I lost it and right now it's something I can't seem to find

Which makes me think that I never really had it to begin with

So the feelings that I was feeling could have all been lies...

"Love Guilt"

Her face isn't like yours, but her body is so similar

I don't know what I'm doing yet this dance feels familiar

In the wrong but it feels so right

Time flying into the morning sun through the moon's night...

That feeling of "awkward" is reaking off me

Body language was what was spoken so right now I have no urge for talking

Shame found on the sidewalk in which I'm walking down

Silence surrounds me, noise I try to drown it out

At the time there was little doubt; my how it changes

Heavy blinking because I keep seeing changing faces

Hers then yours, yours then hers, I can't seem to escape this

It could be my guilt getting the best of me

Or my heart creating some terrible gut wrenching recipe.

Sideways sickness I'm feeling through my soul

How could I do something and expect for her to never know

I have to tell her though back home is the last place I wanna go

I stroll down the avenue

Thinking of every scenario that could be made and trying to prepare

The reality of it is I'm really scared

That night of passion didn't have a single shred of care in it

Her eyes mesmorizing as I stared in them

Those legs stretched throughout my mind, I can't forget them.

Choked up

As I take the key and go up ready for my fate

Feeling like I'm on death row and today is my date

To be strapped to the table and injected

I've neglected the fact that I have something wonderful when I come back

Haulted by something on my door

It's a note she left me and it reads

"I found somebody else, and I think it'd be best if you just tried to forget me

-Love"

And nothing more.



"Jaws Of Life"

I've suffered, but I know that there are people that have it worse/ but they can't speak for themselves like I can/ so in reality I'm really cursed/ because even though they exist in the eyes of those in power they are an abiss/ but I'm the one some turn a blind eye to/ you never would have thought the past that I have would be mine because of what I provide you/ well spoken, handsome, well groomed young man/ but what those on the outside of my life just don't understand was that the plan was veered off road/ "what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" is getting old/ because it may not have killed me then, but right now it feels like it's killing me slow/ because there's things in my life that I wish I never had to experience, yet I know/ it made me who I am, I understand/ but am I wrong for wanting an altered life?/ wishing to find out what financial stability is really like/ learning examples of how a husband is really supposed to treat his wife?/ a family that is close knit and not shunning one side because of their constant silly shit/ but maybe I'm reaching/ so to some these words are teaching/ but to those exposed to these foes I'm preaching/ to the young women and men who understand keep reaching/ because you'll catch a break/ what's fucked up is that in this life you only get one mistake/ until you're considered a fuck up with no luck so some find addiction as their escape/ in that case they get a second chance until their chance to come back is too late/ if you couldn't get with that/ this next part you should be able to relate/ Two


Love in a sense is something so dense that it'll have you repent/ not for your sins/ but apologizing for your need to look for wins that'll defeat your counterpart/ your brain will constantly try to counter your heart and bring ya'll apart/ and it's not just you and another person/ it could be your dreams if your brain tells you that your ideas of this dream aren't really working/ one thing is for certain/ love equals pain/ because when you finally open up your heart you have alienated your brain/ so now you're completely suceptible to pain/ and your brain wants to tell you build a wall because the other side now has found a way to gain/ strange it seems that the one that loves you would threaten you that they'll leave but that's what love is as fucked up as it seems/ I've been there and sadly at times I still bleed/ that's why my brain only allows me to see the beauty in these women that's on the surface/ so a lot of these pretty women only serve one great purpose/ sex/ which ironically throws me in the category of "dog" so I guess that makes the woman that comes next/ a bitch/ because a dog wouldn't have sex with a cat, only another dog/ ain't that some shit/ so that makes the women of my past all bitches in that regard/ and makes these marks on my heart claw made scars/ love is beautiful, yet to get to that point is just so hard...


I'm tired of all these black people blaming the white man/ we've had to do the most just to get a little so I don't understand/ why you want to complain about a man's Health Plan/ when 6 months ago you were the one taking a stand to put President in front of the man/ on the front lines screaming "Yes We Can"/ that's the shit that kills me about our people/ is that we'd rather knock each other down in competition instead of finding ways to make us all equal/ and some complain that the change is all because we don't have anymore Black Leaders/ well we would if all you mothafuckas would turn down your speakers/ because we look to Kanye West to say what we wanna say/ follow the vague instructions of Jay/ and the saddest part is that our leaders aren't gonna be here everyday/ but hey, keep shaking your asses/ find pleasure in popping bottles instead of fighting for your passions/ allow Waka Flocka to give your 14 year old son understanding/ of what it's like to be a successful man, if that's your plan/ and to the men man enough to plant a seed but won't be there when it blooms/ I hope you die a thousand deaths every single day until your child comes up to you/ telling you that they never needed you/ even though they know they did/ because her dad was never there for her she's now 16 years old with a kid/ and I dare you to tell me that you didn't play a part in that/ when she accepts any kind of love from any man because true love is a concept that she's not understanding, so teach her that/ and teach your sons that they need to man up and never run when she says she's keeping it/ that's just a part of what happens when you're out creepin/ smoking weed and drinking Diddy endorsed Ciroc on the weekends/ rolling Kush because that's what the rappers are speakin/ or am I asking for the men to do too much?/ I hope not because these women need to teach their daughters that it's not okay to turn into sluts/ turning tricks on these mens' dicks for a couple of bucks/ give her something/ and hopefully it's confidence/ so that she can be ahead of her class instead of giving head after class as her accomplishment/ that's WHY THE FUCK I WORK WITH YOUTH/ because I'm trying to be the role model and example that these lost kids can look up to!!