"Sending The Wrong Message"

Overwhelmed with sadness that is only overpowered by depression

A burning to find answers to deep-rooted questions that I can't muster to ask

So I smash the barriers built in my mind in the hopes that courage will spill into the valleys of my brain like rain water to a drain

But my mind has become an Mojave like desert of confusion, delusion and amusement that only allows me to laugh briefly until I quietly whimper.

A slow simmer of emotions stew into something so thick that a wrench seems to be the only viable solution to mix this disasterous soup.

Couped up and coupled with troubles and pains, I have found a cozy place to lay in this room that is dark and damp due to the tears shed over the years.

Maybe I'm throwing a pitty party where I am the only one with a cone-shaped hat

Without a cake or candle to blow out, but only enough fire to handle until I blow out all the gas that is being built up inside of me.

Why ask an addict how to overcome addiction? The same philosophy applies to me and why people choose to talk or confide in me...they can't see inside of me, only THAT side of me.

But what is causing me to construct this Berlin wall of defense?

Rebuild this wall at any attempts of crumbling, stumbling; mumbling to God like he understands my prayers.

Suggested that I take my pieces of poetry seriously to the point of publishing

What is not understood through that request is that by publishing my pain I am struggling,

And though it may be a cry out to help between me and the vessel I choose to write to

My pieces somehow ignite, encourage, or excite you

But might you

With a teaspoon of compassion

A pinch of sincerity

And a dash of understanding

Add that to the bowl of the fear that lays so deep and near to me

Blend it so that at some point I can drink this smoothie

Maybe I'll smoothly be able to understand me...