1 Playing The 4

If you catch me on the block throw the ball in

5 seconds left I guarantee we're gonna win

I won't let us lose

I feel bad for the man playing D on me

'Cause his teammates are gonna blame him for the L

And get mad at me for the cause of my teams' W

But if it wasn't me it was gonna be you

Just be happy it's not the lane that I'm cutting through

Because my launch pad is located there

So if it's not dunk me it's a dunk on you.

Not a post player, but I got moves in the paint

I'm up and under doing shit other players ain't

And don't let the frame fool you bro

six feet tall with a 6'3 wingspan, here I go

Slappin on you niggas

Blocking all your shot attempts

I don't go soft whether women or gents

Hard in the paint is how I get

So don't you forget

Hard in the paint is how I get

On any women or gent.

"Guesssss"

That chest compression when you're running out of breath

That push of encouragement when you have nothing left
Knowing that you can do it when you're unsure of you're best

Helping you build yourself up with whatever is left,
 Trust me.

Unsure of an emotion I'm the one you can speak to
Not sure of how to approach a situation, I'm the one who will teach you
The times that you are stubborn are usually the times I reach you,

 I must be.

 The one you run to when the world seems to crumble

Up on your high horse, come here when you need to be humbled

That pick-me-up when life causes you to stumble

That machete in your hand while you walk through the jungle,

 It is me.

 Nothing but love when you're looking up above

Eyes closed feeling the rays of the sun

Warming you as these thoughts do just the same

And every time you complain

That's okay

Because at night I know I'm on your mind

No thank you is needed

Because I already know what you wanna say.

"Day To Day"

I can feel the tribal dancer moving in my heart
I can visualize the spirits of my loved ones lost in the dark
We're really not far apart from the other side
Because Hell resides here on Earth
What are you really worth? Now how much on Earth
Because some niggas that be poor are really rich
And some who have money really don't have shit
It's a two-way mirror that gets clearer by the second
Are new clothes really worth you getting naked?
You can't fake it because soon it becomes real
Even the hardest men on this planet still seem to feel
Some emotions, even if it's pain from the past
Their violent actions are an indication of that.
Now I'm not condoning violence
All I'm saying is the silent aren't really that silent
They lash out and end up in solitary confinement
I'm trying, to see the value in the wolf tickets you sell
Find something sweet in the foul odor of what is your smell
The tasteful elegance in what it is you're feeding me
Or rationalize with your tactics in defeating me
I digress
Because my air is on a timer and I can't afford to waste these breaths
I gotta move forward with each one of these steps
I gotta get stronger with each one of these reps
I gotta...take on head on whatever it is that may be next
Words said softly in the correct allignment sound similar to sex
Out of context and line remind you of a hex
Stiff and tense with their meaning make you flex your muscle
But it just brings you back to your struggle
Quiet storm behind that mouth that is now covered by a mussle
One hell of a bundle
Of joy from a unplanned baby girl or baby boy
It's a reality all of a sudden
Babies are being made by the dozen out the ovens
Of women who can't even drink yet
They can't even think yet
Yet they have convinced themselves that their mindset
Will change as this child increases their age
I'm simply amazed
I'm simply amazed by this craze
These are thoughts that I think
That get thought of by others on a day to day...

"From Up Here"

I watched from a distance

As the weathering of those bringing the storm tarnished your image.

The once declared beauty Queen now a meer shell of herself,

Looking for answers in the most unlikely of places.

I watched from a distance

As the rocks that were being thrown at you got bigger and bigger.

The once "most popular" kid in high school now searching

For someone to hold on to.

I watched from a distance

As the ground below you kept falling out from underneath you.

The once athletic volleyball player now as agile as a slug

Praying that she can hold on just a little longer.

I watched from a distance

As the past that once haunted you came up from the dead.

As the once secretive socialite

Hoped no one knew anythng about her.

But I watch from a distancce

As you wear your jacket and stand your ground

As the same storms that destroyed you are passing.

I watch from a distance

As you shield off those rocks that were once thrown at you

And continue to move forward.

I watch from a distance

As the ground falls from underneath you

You find something to hold on to and pull yourself up.

I watch from a distance

As you continue to move forward

Through the storms

Through the rocks thrown at you

Out of the holes you fall in

And the insecurities that have held you back.

I watch from a distance

But as I watch

I notice how much closer you are

To reaching that final point.

I watched and continue to watch.

Ghetto Gumbo

The fact that I've been told to take this more serious makes me curious

Delerious to that same fact, matter of fact

I really wish I could go back

To a time where a rhyme was something to do to pass the time

Instead of being the valve that releases so much steam

In the hopes it copes my self-esteem

Born son raised bastard

Hear my story on many a block

Young man slanging the rock, many are shot

Get a little bit of money, act funny, and get spotted

All of a sudden you're caught

And it's almost better if it's the DEA that gets you

Because if the streets catch you you're DOA, no rescue

God blessed you

With the ability to sell anything to anyone

But the Devil showed you how to turn it into funds

A gumbo pot of rocks, cash, hoes, and guns

 

Over a bed of lies

 

Who's ready for dinner time?

Funny T-shirt

Was at work over at South Lake Union when I saw this shirt promoting the South Lake Union Train. No one thought of that before hand??

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More Thai Graffiti

Here are some more pics of some of the graffiti that I saw while I was in Thailand.

"A Year 2 Forget"

Dear "The year that's now passing away"
Will soon be a memory "back in 2009" we'll now say
I want you know, that you put me in a hole
And the hole only got deeper as I continued to try to grow
I felt like the home team taking loss after loss on the road
Constant beatdown from the outside
Affecting how I felt on the inside
But I can't hide because I'm not the team playing at home
Face my fears head on, now allow me to go...
It was tragic waking up around 5
Listening to "that tone" in my Moms' voice
The same tone when she told me my Grandmother had died
There was only one choice
She told me my father no longer had life
I went back to sleep thinking it wasnt real
I woke back up and it felt unreal how I was filling so ill
As i thought there on my bed and allowed the tears to spill
2009 how could you take him from me like that?
Just when we were getting our father-son relationship back
So I was put on a plane on my way back to the last place I wanted to be at
But I learned that there was a reason you sent me back
Sleep once again when I awake to one of my friends
In my room asking where his suit is
Then he told me his father had just died, 2009 how can you do this?
Ruthless
Nothing but aggression as I'm stressin over one question
No answer
Fuck sickness, fuck addiction, fuck cancer
2009 was the problem and 2009 had no answers
Moving on
Dealing with my loss, trying to keep my grades right
My bestfriend tells me 2009 took his grandpops life
And even though his was an older man
So many people are dying, and I just don't understand
But I continue to deal with these L's as best I can
The summer comes
And it was the break I so desperately needed
Had two jobs, so six days a week I'm working, summer is grind season
But I learned so much from this season I will take with me for the rest of my life
Like appreciating life even if you're not quite like
Everyone else, your personality allows you to be someone special
Tryin to do it right while the sun is bright
And who would have guessed the temp
Seattle got me bent thinking that I can survive, let alone work
When I can cook an egg on it's Earth, 103 degrees are you being forreal?
I might slap the first person who tells me "to chill"
Nigga I'm trying like everybody else is
But at night trying to go to sleep, no AC feeling helpless
Hotel rooms sold out, just keep your windows open
So many cars smokin
And as the honeymoon has run its course and it's time for me to leave
Money continues to be an issue for me
I'm told that if I don't pay then there is no place for me to stay
Barry what are you trying to tell me?
That as a returning Senior there's no place you can put me?
Scratching, clawing, and pleading for a place to stay
Living out my bag, going from bed to couch to bed again
Thank God for my closest friends
Because Barry was bending me backwards, then I gave you your money
Now I have a place to stay, bastards, spoiled honey
So after the hardest semester I've been through in my life
And I come home to winter weather just right
And look back at the year that was 2009
I wanna say fuck you year
Because you're gone, but you will always be in the back of my mind.

"Repo-Man"

I remember it like it was yesterday, which is the hardest part. Replaying over and over in my head waking up at 5am to my mom opening my door and saying "your father is gone, he passed away this morning" then going right back to sleep. 365 days ago today and I am still going through it. You don't forget, you just learn how to live with it...but it isnt easy.

Repo-Man took away my father

Now only a hole of pain is left.

Your cell number still sits in my phone

I want to call it but I'm scared of who will answer on the other end

There's no number for Heaven so I talk to the sky

I shed tears in the shower in the hopes they wash away, at least I try

But these tears are never gonna go away.

At the current moment I even question the point of this artistic expression

When all it will do is subdue the feelings that will resurface in a few days

So what's the point of it?

Bittersweet graduation because a seat's missing in the audience

If I gave a speech, "FUCK YOU GOD" would somehow be a part of it

Imagine how that would go over at a church full of Catholics

But it's no use

You can't squeeze life out of someone who's run out of juice.

Fighting my urges to let go and run loose, and say "so what"

But that won't bring you back, matterfact

That'll make things even worse for ones on this Earth.

You see I've never been given anything just like that

I've always been the one to prove myself and have to fight back

I've been the one who worked his ass off to get nice things

Just so that someone could break into my house and take it all back

That's exactly why I act like I came from the streets

Because at the times I would my ass off to at least do some good

A blind eye is turned to my vision, a deaf ear to my speech.

So why even bother tryin to do all that?

When I've been the one who lost his father to jail, divorce, and addiction

And the very instance I start to get him back

God decides it's time to bring/take him back.

How do you yell at a man you can't see?

I don't know how to punch a man who's not there

And the more that I yell, the less productive I become

So i quietly try to do my best to represent my father as his son

I try to stay quiet, silence all the thoughts of all the violence

I want to inflict because I'm tired of this shit

How can you give me a degree but the most important person in the audience isnt there to see me?!!

It just doesnt make sense

Then people often wonder why I get into these moods, and I end up so tense

It's because since the age of 13 my back has been up against the fence

I don't want to be a statistic, I want to be a story of success

But it's hard when you make progress and there's not much to show for it

Or you can't show it to the one person who's been waiting their whole life for it.

Maesa Elephant Camp

While in Thailand I had the opportunity to go to the Maesa Elephant Camp, which happened to be very entertaining and fun. The elephants know how to do a lot of different tricks, some of them where they interact with people. Here are a couple pictures from that day.

Thailand Graffiti

I am a huge fan of graffiti art. I don't mean those meaningless tag names that people spray all over the place just for the sake of doing so, I'm talking about those large, colorful, thought out pieces that artist create. I was completely taken back by how colorful some of the pieces were in Thailand. These are just some of pieces of art from Chiang Mai, Thailand.

"Sending The Wrong Message"

Overwhelmed with sadness that is only overpowered by depression

A burning to find answers to deep-rooted questions that I can't muster to ask

So I smash the barriers built in my mind in the hopes that courage will spill into the valleys of my brain like rain water to a drain

But my mind has become an Mojave like desert of confusion, delusion and amusement that only allows me to laugh briefly until I quietly whimper.

A slow simmer of emotions stew into something so thick that a wrench seems to be the only viable solution to mix this disasterous soup.

Couped up and coupled with troubles and pains, I have found a cozy place to lay in this room that is dark and damp due to the tears shed over the years.

Maybe I'm throwing a pitty party where I am the only one with a cone-shaped hat

Without a cake or candle to blow out, but only enough fire to handle until I blow out all the gas that is being built up inside of me.

Why ask an addict how to overcome addiction? The same philosophy applies to me and why people choose to talk or confide in me...they can't see inside of me, only THAT side of me.

But what is causing me to construct this Berlin wall of defense?

Rebuild this wall at any attempts of crumbling, stumbling; mumbling to God like he understands my prayers.

Suggested that I take my pieces of poetry seriously to the point of publishing

What is not understood through that request is that by publishing my pain I am struggling,

And though it may be a cry out to help between me and the vessel I choose to write to

My pieces somehow ignite, encourage, or excite you

But might you

With a teaspoon of compassion

A pinch of sincerity

And a dash of understanding

Add that to the bowl of the fear that lays so deep and near to me

Blend it so that at some point I can drink this smoothie

Maybe I'll smoothly be able to understand me...

"Cocktail Conversation"

I don't wanna seem to pushy

But

I feel like it's the right time we

Talk

And right now your drink looks empty

So

How about it gets filled and we can

Talk

Now I've seen you turn down plenty

Here

But I feel like those weak

Attempts

Just weren't too appealing

So

Allow me this time to speak.

Now I might know what you're thinking

But

My first thoughts of you doesn't involve

A nut

And to you this might sound silly

But

I really mean this sincerly

You

Have to be the prettiest thing I've ever

Seen

And the times we made eye contact

Here

I couldn't help but start thinking

What

If I got to see that look over

Dinner?

Now if you don't like my offer

Cool

Because at least you got a

Drink

But if you feel like what I'm saying

Is

Something you wanna pursue

Then

I'll be over here chilling with my

Boys

So if you come and get me

Then

I'll tell you my name and we

Can

Take it from there.

"She Can't Sleep"

Lullabies are nullified when she lays at night petrified
Not knowing who's gonna come inside from the outside
When the chaos is really inside on its way out
She cries out

"Rape"

She can't wait until it's time for school
Her getaway from being used as a tool
Her mother turns away not knowing what to do
She has evidence but her financial situation won't allow her to pursue
The right means to have it handled
A family dismantled
How much more can she handle?
She's burned every night like a candle
Her step father's the flame
Is it the alcohol or his sickness that is to blame
When really it's one in the same
She goes to school and silently sits in shame
Her body language shows she's in pain
But the teacher's are too busy
Working overtime just to make a decent living
The after school programs don't have the funds to be giving
What these kids need to keep them living
As they're dying in the streets
Or victimized in their own sheets
When she speaks in a low whisper
No visible marks so they don't think he hits her
She whispers to a woman she trust
He kissed her
But not like a Dad would
Her best day at school could easily go bad from good
If she could
She says she'd close her eyes
And visualize
Herself flying so high in the sky
That there was no way that he could even try
To separate her once virgin legs
Most days at school she wishes he was dead
Instead
Of living in the house she stays in
Her grades slipping
No friends
She blames him
Alone all day until the moment he walks in
She lays in fear as he whispers in ear
Things that at that age she doesn't understand
Lost innocence
All taken from this man who pretends
To be the step father when her mother comes in
But her boyfriend at night when he comes in
Late into her bed
Fearful to even replay it in her head
Her innocence stripped
Immaturity shed
She grows up telling no one
And even though for years he's been dead
At 35 she's still scared to go to bed...

"Bleached Speech"

They treat me as if I drank a quarter cup of bleach
Taunted for pernouncing all the syllables in my speech
I reply back that it is that speaking ability that'll have your job in my reach
Becomes I'm dark enough to relate to those who taunt me
Affirmative action to those who flaunt me
Stuck in the middle at times thinking "who really wants me?"
Clorox or any other kind of bleach could be the reason
For years of internal pleading with one self
Why is it that I can't just sound like myself
Without being treated like I'm not black enough
I grew up with my father gone and rough
Does that make me black enough?
We heated the house with the stove at times
Is that tough enough?
I went to a school you needed to be chosen into
I guess that makes me white because of the school I'd go to
The people I used to hang out with
But I was still in the hood at these times
I just wasnt in the hood at these times WITH you
I am treated like those that taunt me in certain places
Then taunted by those they think I am in another instance
Bleach my insides and show me that I'm white
Because the way I pernounce words sounds white
Well to me it sounds right
Or treat me like the other side who only see the color on the outside
I just sound educated to them, but I'm cooked on the inside
Bleach my insides and show me how white I am
When I can go somewhere else and all they do is remind me of how black I am

One cup

Two cups

Three cups of bleach

I dress white
I act white
I've gained their speech

One minute

Two minutes

Three minutes of cook time

I act black
I walk ghetto
I must be hood because I grew up on the south side.
Twist and turns false and fate
I drink a cup of bleach
As it cooks my insides
Wondering how at 23 years old how can I relate?

"Don't Take That Leap"

What do you say

To someone who doesn’t want to listen?

Wants nothing to do with life

Unhappy with their current living conditions.

On a war path of a mission

May seem like a way out that isn’t right

But it’s such a tough decision...

Gesturing towards it almost care free

Like it’s alright to talk about

But I care so much that it scares me

And it doesn’t worry you which I can’t figure out

There has to be another way out

That’s more relevant than the ones you see

Is it your pain that blinds you

Or is it something else that I can’t see?

If there was a way to, I’d hide you

But you open up to me

So right now I’m trying to provide you

With a life extension rather than you leave

Still searching for some kind of revival

This is the other side of what it looks like

When your friend is suicidal...

"Eyes So Green"

Oooh nothing makes me more angry, or makes me so mean

Than to look at you, with your eyes so green

When I look at you, all I see is envy and greed

When I take a deep look, into those eyes so green.

It's hard to share you, I admit that it is

Even though you have baggage with your four different kids,

And they all look like you, but they all have their Dad's face

Every guy I know is after you, it's like some kind of mad race.

Oooh nothing makes me more angry, or turns me so mean

Than to look at you, with those eyes so green,

When I look at you, all I see is envy and greed

When I take a deep look, into those eyes so green.

Everyone demands your attention, they need you in their life

I've seen men beat up other men over you, how is that right?

But I guess that's just a harsh reality

And it's not even over your individuality, because in other countries,

They kill for women who are just like you,

Eyes so green, a feeling so true,

Going after men whose collars are either white, or worked until blue

Even the politicians are talking about how they miss you.

Oooh nothing makes me more angry, or makes me so mean

Than to look at you, with your eyes so green.

When I look at you, all I see is envy and greed

When I take a deep look, into those eyes so green.

What amazes me, is how those who don't have you plead for your attention,

And those gaining your affection, don't even seem to mention

Your name, or the things they had to say to get you,

I know that personally I'll never forget you,

When we spent time together going to so many movies

All the gas you gave me to burn up in my car

All the drinks you used to buy me at the bar,

But currently you seem so far.

Oooh nothing makes me more happy, or causes me to gleam

Than when I look at you, with your eyes so green

When I look at you, all I see is everything that I need

When I take a deep look into those eyes so green.

When I was younger I never knew what you could cause people to do

As I got older, what they were saying started to come true.

I cheated on girlfriends, just to get closer to you

And strangely, my girlfriends were cool with it

Because they even liked you.

Many people try to play sports to get you, sing their way in, or act for you,

In so many ways people cry for your affection, just a gentle kiss,

I still can't believe the power of this bitch.

Oooh nothing makes me so angry, or makes me this mean

Than to look into those eyes, those eyes so green,

When I look at you, all I see is the blood others had to bleed,

Just to get enough of you for their families, can't you see?

You've broken up homes, relationships, and friendships too,

Caused wars between gangs, and countries, it's true.

Caused men and women to work overtime just to get you,

And you're gone just as fast as they get you,

Some men and women trick you off,

Using you to return favors for them, at a certain cost

It's messed up, and yeah it's a damn shame,

But none of this will ever change.

Oooh nothing makes me more angry, or makes me so mean

Than to look at your face, with those eyes so green.

When I look at you, I think it's kind of funny

That people would go so far

Kill so many

And do so much

Over some damn money...

"Little Prostitute"

I can't help but notice how the young seem to be so old
Bold like the font they can turn it on and off based on what their occasion
Persuasion allows those of a legal age to approach the underaged in ways that may seem as simple praise to the untrained yet they don't know
That with the outfit not only comes the "older", but the border you now walk along as you keep seeing that song "R-E-S-/-E-C-T, find out what it means to me"
Yet you seem to be a kind once hid behind the doors of your home
Alone in your innocense until the lights go out and the music comes on and alcohol is so low causing you to become weak to testosterone
When a young girl thinks in her of giving head to get ahead instead
Of using her head to get a head of others without getting in bed she becomes dead wthin herself and loses the true price of herself which helps those with low pockets
And boost her low self-esteem as she pleads to be so much like her older colleagues but just can't see what it is th older boys see in them.
It may not be what it seems as they see within you what you are unable to see within yourself, that you need help.
And not the kind that involves doctors, medications, but the kind of help that reguires a belt because she needs her ass whooped.
Shook by the fact that men often act in ways that would reguire some sort of money transaction rather than any person interaction, its a simple fraction
Take two parts confidence boost, and two parts confidence shaky and loose and you have a whole, and with that whole...well that's just too much for you to know.
I'm not using this as an I feel this way about woman speech, but rather as an outsider trying his hardest to get in but not in in the ways that you may think
But so deep within that it may feel the same but I'm only trying to teach
That when you're laying on your back the sky is much harder to reach
That when you stand up you'll can the respect of standing on your own two feet
Don't allow something so true and sweet
To be destroyed by boys who want nothing more than to use you as toys
Patiences, confidence, independence, and poise
And this entire world someday can be yours.

"i.D.k"

Floating into the tangled arms of a woman at times confused
Abused by the fact of once feeling used defuse the situation if their is a possibility but posibily there may not be

This part of life saught me out, as I was running it caught up to and caught me, faught me to the point of these struggles

Humbled bahumbug oxymoron man damn, at times I understand

That a mans' life span can span over the time I've currently lived but when will this give so that I can start to give myself rather than get, shit needs to quit

But life keeps eating so the toilet keeps getting flushed and when the water comes at so much force at the rate that it rushes at

There I am stuck in the middle at times fearing to look forward as my comfort zone is somewhere back to where I came from

Resorting to past positions sat in so many ways, disecting so many days amazed at the ways I was raised, not enough praised to my mother

Not enough praise to my sister, there's none given nor needed for my "brother" because unlike those others

He gave me the rat, he didn't even give me it's ass, a quick message to pass, I guess I'll just fast on his love

Success is a word often used but rarely described in detail

Is it the point where you're the master of retail, you're free from "blow out sales", or is it you're true talents will prevail?

Wise words of advice and enouragement are no longer here to feed me food for thought, where is my nurishment?

On Earth it gets, bumpy reguardless of what road you're on, but at times I look like how long is this gonna go on for

How many more will knock on deaths' doors? Knock knock

Nobody in here, yet I fear the hand of God may come near and take me now to next year, and at the end of that year until the next one

What will become of me...that's the quest son?

"Summer In Miami"

Surrounded by palm trees and over-priced denim
'Ture dresses, women have to inhale to fit in 'em

Over priced drinks, meaningless winks

Make-up being done before hand in the sink

Bumps done between the thumb and index

Success can be found through one night of sex

Relaxd on the beach as your bleached teeth

Reach a level unknown balanced by your tanned tone

Bronzers, blackberry phones, luxurious homes

Someone has to lose

Tan and jacked dudes

Top heavy ladies

 Mass transportation seems to be made by Mercedes

Hair straight, curly, long, light, dark, shiny, wavy
"Excuse me baby"'s

VIP booths and bottle special deals

Superficially real

As everyone claims to be a part of some sort of reel

Rather it be film or photographic

Over the top overly dramatic cinematic moments

How many surgerical components are you comprised of

Doesnt matter as long as youre inside of my club

Shy love over a drink chilling on cubes

An out-of-towner gaining so much new attention from dudes

How rude or crude or nude you choose to be

Superficially real as real or as it can be

Stand next to me and see if anyone else will treat you the way I understand it to be

There is no control or place to compare it

Scare it and see if it does not roar back

Wake up in the night and fall asleep in the day

After you spent another night just like that

No one judges, I am trying to gain a grip on the life stylistic culture

Based on my exposure of it

Theres no place quite like it

No place like it